DaveR
12-06-2007, 09:51 AM
The rules before we knew the real ones ...............
1. THE TABLE
1.1 The left side of the table is for ping pong. The right side is for modelmaking, homework, sandwiches, beer, changing diapers, etc.
1.2 The table can be of any size as long as the dimensions of the right side are large enough to to make the table suitable for the activities listed in 1.1.
2. THE NET
2.1 In the event there is no net available for the table, one may be constructed out of close by miscellaneous items such as beer cans, books, or paper towels strung together by rubber bands or even xmas cards.
3. THE BALL
3.1 Thirty year old one star balls are the best, especially after all brand name printing on the ball surface has worn away.
3.1.2 It is O.K to use a ball of any color, however, a ball color that matches your shirt is the best choice to use to help disguise your shots.
3.2 In a tournament, if you win the match, the ball becomes your property.
3.2.1 If a ball from another table rolls under your table during your match, it also becomes your property.
4. THE RACKET
4.1 Sandpaper rackets are legal.
4.2 Using a racket's bare wood surface to strike the ball is also completely legal.
4.3 Any color rubber covering for a racket is legal.
4.3.1 The two color rule isn't really a fair rule so it's OK to use one color on both sides of the racket. This tactic is highly recommended if you use a combination racket consisting of "funny rubbers" in order to deceive your opponent.
4.4 Equipment Definitions:
4.5 "Junk rubber" refers to any inverted type of sponge rubber combination such as anything that makes a ball wobble.
5. DEFINITIONS
5.1 "Warm ups" don't exist. Before playing a real scored match, players should play points, moving the ball around the table, smashing as much as possible to end the points quickly and certainly not hitting consecutive forehands or backhands etc.
6. THE ORDER OF PLAY
6.1 To determine who serves, whoever finishes chugging a beer first spins his / her bat and whoever it points closest to is deemed the server.
6.1.2 If the above method is unsatisfactory, (e.g., no beer is available), use the rock/paper/scissors method.
6.2 In doubles, balls may be hit by either partner at will, in any order. It is recommended that partners shout at each other: "MINE!", "YOURS!", "LEAVE IT!" etc (like tennis).
7. SERVICE
7.1 The server must bounce the ball on their side of the table with their free hand and then hit it with the paddle.
7.2 The ball must bounce once on the server's side of the table and only once on your opponent's. If it bounces twice on your opponent's side, he's awarded the point.
7.2.1 The ball must cross the end line and must not cross the edge lines on the service.
7.3 Serves spun by holding the ball against the bat and releasing with the hand are completely legal.
7.3.1 Serves with your hand & body leaning way into the table way past inside the endline (close to the net)are also legal.
7.4 The serve must be delivered from alternating sides of the center line (like tennis).
7.4.1 The serve must always be delivered diagonally from the right court to the right handed opponent's forehand.
7.4.2 The serve must always be delivered diagonally from the left court to the right handed opponent's backhand.
7.4.3 In doubles, when the ball having been served lands on the white line dividing the receiver's side of the playing surface, the rally ends, and the point is won by the pair which wins the subsequent fist-fight.
7.5 When the score reaches 10, the player who trails serves until deuce is reached or the game is lost.
7.6 If the server serves two consecutive let serves, the point is awarded to the receiver (like tennis).
8. A GOOD RETURN
8.1 Returning the ball with a volley (before it hits the table on your side) at any time during play is a good shot (like tennis).
8.2 The ball must always cross the net (no around the net shots).
8.3 At any time, it is legal to hold on to the table with your non racquet hand for better balance.
8.4 When smashing, it is legal place your non racquet hand on the table for more power.
8.5 Shots off of the walls and ceilings are an effective strategy to employ.
8.6 If you accidentally drop your racket, you can throw it at the ball or use any available object (like your shoe) to make a good return.
8.7 In order to increase the chances of winning the point, it is advisable to grab the table with your free hand and move it out of the way of the opponent's incoming return
9. IN PLAY
9.1 When serving, the ball is not in play until the server makes contact with the ball.
9.1.1 It is legal to catch the ball as long as you don't hit it and reserve with no penalty (like tennis).
9.2 All beers must be positioned within easy reach to enable play to be continuous
10. A LET
10.1 A "let" may be called at any time - especially when a player feels he is in danger of losing the point.
10.2 The first "let" serve counts as a "fault" ...if it happens again then it is a "double fault" and loss of point (like in tennis).
10.3 In a tournament, if player from another table runs across your court and calls "let", he loses a point in his match.
10.4 In a tournament, if player from another table runs across your court and calls "let" for a second time he loses his match and is defaulted out of the tournament.
11. A POINT
11.1 During a rally, if a player volleys or touches the ball after it crosses his endline of the table but before it hits the floor, the opponent is awarded the point (this used to be an official rule - no kidding!).
11.2 You can only win points on your own serves (like racquetball).
11.3 When serving, you don't lose the point if you don't make contact.
11.4 When serving, if the ball never hits the table (flies completely over, under, or around the table) then the serve is as though it never occurred with no "fault" or loss of point.
11.5 If the server's ball hits the center line, it is the opponent's point.
11.6 At game point you cannot lose the game on your own serve.
11.7 At game point you cannot win the game on your opponent's serve.
11.8 If you hit an edge, the opponent gains a point.
11.9 If the score between A and B is 10:9 and B fails to make a good service or a good return, he/she shall lose a point (as USATT rule # 11 dictates). That is, a point is subtracted and now the score is 10:8, and the game continues.
12. A GAME
12.1 Scores of 7-0, 11-0, 11-2, are quite acceptable and giving up after being two points down is perfectly legal, however the score wont count.
13. A MATCH
13.1 The loser of the previous game determines how many games will constitute a match.
14. THE CHOICE OF ENDS AND SERVES
14.1 Whoever gets to the table first and calls "dibs" chooses which side he will start from.
14.1.1 If players can not agree who got to the table first the choice of ends and the right to serve is decided by lot in such a way that the winner can choose to serve or to receive. If he/she asks the opponent to serve first, then he/she can decide which end he/she wants to play for the duration of the match.
14.2 Whoever wins the initial rally after the number of hits equals the spelling out of "P" "I" "N" "G" is the designated server. Really, I'm not kidding.
15. THE CHANGE OF ENDS
15.1 After each game, the player who wins decides which side he prefers to play on, unless rule 14.1.1 applies.
16. THE CHANGE OF SERVICE
16.1 In doubles, players must take their turns serving in a clockwise rotation order.
16.2 In doubles, players take their turns serving in an anti clockwise (counter clockwise) rotation order.
16.3 In doubles, one player per team is "designated server" per game, and must serve after every 2 points. In the next game, the other player becomes the team's designated server.
17. OUT OF ORDER OF SERVING, RECEIVING OR ENDS
17.1 Your rule here!
18. THE EXPEDITE SYSTEM
18.1 At any time in the match, a player may shout out "HURRY UP" if his opponent is taking too long.
18.2 "Fast serving" your opponent before he is ready is also encouraged in order to speed up the game.
19. ADVICE TO PLAYERS DURING PLAY
19.1 Your rule here!
20. CLOTHING (DRESS CODE)
20.1 In a tournament, if you are caught wearing "slacks" you shall be taken aside and made to put on warm up pants. The legality of warm up pants in match play is at the discretion of the umpire (see real table tennis rules), so you risk being defaulted out of the tournament.
20.2 Black socks and no shoes, or worn-out shoes and no socks, and cut-offs with reversed baseball cap are the recommended ping-pong attire.
21. PLAYING CONDITIONS
21.1 Flooring should be unsealed concrete with randomly distributed cracks and craters. Slick vinyl or crumbling linoleum is also acceptible.
21.2 Walls may be unsealed concrete, block, 1970's or earlier imitation wood paneling, preferably of the same color as the color of the ball.
21.3 The ideal basement temperature for playing conditions should be either less than 20 degrees or more than 90 degrees.
22. POINT PENALTY SYSTEM
22.1 Conduct which warrants imposition of the point penalty system shall include:
22.1.1 Delay of game (i.e., excessive sweating deliberately taking too long to buy beer, falling asleep during games.wearing inappropriate clothing see rule 20 )
22.1.2 Damage to equipment (intentional damage to the table, net, or other tournament or personal equipment except when pertaining to rule 8.7).
22.1.3 Conduct offensive to opponents, officials, or spectators (i.e., audible or visible obscene language or gestures which are not directed to the next player or official who has been delegated to buy the beer pizza e.t.c e.t.c. loud outbursts, or remarks which could disrupt any other player or spectators enjoyment of aforementioned beer, pizza e.t.c or deliberately throwing a racquet if it spills any beer or beverage being consumed during play). In evaluating "loud outbursts", the umpire shall consider the total situation. This rule is intended to discourage competitive enthusiasm, particularly that displayed in a championship final when it is hoped that all players will be far too drunk to concentrate on anything else but hitting the ball..
22.1.4 Not accepting coaching during a game. any player who is such a smart ass that he does not need coaching deserves to lose some points. The umpire shall display a yellow card or throw anything that comes to hand ( remembering not to breach rule 22.1.3 If the adviser does becomes too much of a pain in the butt he will be formally warned and immediately sent for more beer pizza e.t.c.(at his own expense)
22.2 Penalties will be imposed as follows for each match:
22.2.1 First offence : Warning. The umpire will formally notify the player that he is in a penalty point situation by holding up a yellow card or throwing something . The player can protest but of course will be completely ignored. A warning given to one player of a doubles pair shall apply to both players during the remainder of the match unless player bribes the umpire or buys the beer.
22.2.2 Second offence : Loss of 1 point. The player can protest but of course will be completely ignored. The umpire will notify the player by holding up a yellow card and a red card together then throw something heavy, he may also send a messenger to the nearest off-licence( liquor store) to expect an order in the next 20 min
22.2.3 Third offence : Loss of 2 points. and must immediately buy everyone a beer and pizza.
22.2.4 Fourth offence : The umpire will refer the matter to the referee, who will then decide to hang,draw and quarter said player or electrocute depending on nationality of offender ( using any money found on the body to pay for beer pizza.
22.2.5 After the imposition of a point or game penalty, the next server will be that player who is still able to stand after drinking aforementioned beer.
22.3 The referee will still have the authority to default a player from the match, ban him from the basement for any gross misconduct i.e. not buying beer, pizza, waking neighbours children (you don't want them hanging about when you are enjoying yourself ) or causing the police to be called (they drink far too much beer) e.t.c.
23. MATCH OFFICIALS
23.1 An OFFICIAL match official is a person authorized to annoy, at will, players by butting in anytime he/she does not like something you do.
23.1.1 A better choice is anyone is anyone who happens to be around at the time, be he a player waiting for winners, or your little sister. The match official's opinion always overrides any rule and the match official always has the final say on whether something is legal or not.
23.2 If a doubles team has 3 players, one may be selected as an official.
24. DOPING 24.1 With the exception of of smoking during play, there shall be no doping before or during play in any shape or form, unless glueing with water based adhesives.
1. THE TABLE
1.1 The left side of the table is for ping pong. The right side is for modelmaking, homework, sandwiches, beer, changing diapers, etc.
1.2 The table can be of any size as long as the dimensions of the right side are large enough to to make the table suitable for the activities listed in 1.1.
2. THE NET
2.1 In the event there is no net available for the table, one may be constructed out of close by miscellaneous items such as beer cans, books, or paper towels strung together by rubber bands or even xmas cards.
3. THE BALL
3.1 Thirty year old one star balls are the best, especially after all brand name printing on the ball surface has worn away.
3.1.2 It is O.K to use a ball of any color, however, a ball color that matches your shirt is the best choice to use to help disguise your shots.
3.2 In a tournament, if you win the match, the ball becomes your property.
3.2.1 If a ball from another table rolls under your table during your match, it also becomes your property.
4. THE RACKET
4.1 Sandpaper rackets are legal.
4.2 Using a racket's bare wood surface to strike the ball is also completely legal.
4.3 Any color rubber covering for a racket is legal.
4.3.1 The two color rule isn't really a fair rule so it's OK to use one color on both sides of the racket. This tactic is highly recommended if you use a combination racket consisting of "funny rubbers" in order to deceive your opponent.
4.4 Equipment Definitions:
4.5 "Junk rubber" refers to any inverted type of sponge rubber combination such as anything that makes a ball wobble.
5. DEFINITIONS
5.1 "Warm ups" don't exist. Before playing a real scored match, players should play points, moving the ball around the table, smashing as much as possible to end the points quickly and certainly not hitting consecutive forehands or backhands etc.
6. THE ORDER OF PLAY
6.1 To determine who serves, whoever finishes chugging a beer first spins his / her bat and whoever it points closest to is deemed the server.
6.1.2 If the above method is unsatisfactory, (e.g., no beer is available), use the rock/paper/scissors method.
6.2 In doubles, balls may be hit by either partner at will, in any order. It is recommended that partners shout at each other: "MINE!", "YOURS!", "LEAVE IT!" etc (like tennis).
7. SERVICE
7.1 The server must bounce the ball on their side of the table with their free hand and then hit it with the paddle.
7.2 The ball must bounce once on the server's side of the table and only once on your opponent's. If it bounces twice on your opponent's side, he's awarded the point.
7.2.1 The ball must cross the end line and must not cross the edge lines on the service.
7.3 Serves spun by holding the ball against the bat and releasing with the hand are completely legal.
7.3.1 Serves with your hand & body leaning way into the table way past inside the endline (close to the net)are also legal.
7.4 The serve must be delivered from alternating sides of the center line (like tennis).
7.4.1 The serve must always be delivered diagonally from the right court to the right handed opponent's forehand.
7.4.2 The serve must always be delivered diagonally from the left court to the right handed opponent's backhand.
7.4.3 In doubles, when the ball having been served lands on the white line dividing the receiver's side of the playing surface, the rally ends, and the point is won by the pair which wins the subsequent fist-fight.
7.5 When the score reaches 10, the player who trails serves until deuce is reached or the game is lost.
7.6 If the server serves two consecutive let serves, the point is awarded to the receiver (like tennis).
8. A GOOD RETURN
8.1 Returning the ball with a volley (before it hits the table on your side) at any time during play is a good shot (like tennis).
8.2 The ball must always cross the net (no around the net shots).
8.3 At any time, it is legal to hold on to the table with your non racquet hand for better balance.
8.4 When smashing, it is legal place your non racquet hand on the table for more power.
8.5 Shots off of the walls and ceilings are an effective strategy to employ.
8.6 If you accidentally drop your racket, you can throw it at the ball or use any available object (like your shoe) to make a good return.
8.7 In order to increase the chances of winning the point, it is advisable to grab the table with your free hand and move it out of the way of the opponent's incoming return
9. IN PLAY
9.1 When serving, the ball is not in play until the server makes contact with the ball.
9.1.1 It is legal to catch the ball as long as you don't hit it and reserve with no penalty (like tennis).
9.2 All beers must be positioned within easy reach to enable play to be continuous
10. A LET
10.1 A "let" may be called at any time - especially when a player feels he is in danger of losing the point.
10.2 The first "let" serve counts as a "fault" ...if it happens again then it is a "double fault" and loss of point (like in tennis).
10.3 In a tournament, if player from another table runs across your court and calls "let", he loses a point in his match.
10.4 In a tournament, if player from another table runs across your court and calls "let" for a second time he loses his match and is defaulted out of the tournament.
11. A POINT
11.1 During a rally, if a player volleys or touches the ball after it crosses his endline of the table but before it hits the floor, the opponent is awarded the point (this used to be an official rule - no kidding!).
11.2 You can only win points on your own serves (like racquetball).
11.3 When serving, you don't lose the point if you don't make contact.
11.4 When serving, if the ball never hits the table (flies completely over, under, or around the table) then the serve is as though it never occurred with no "fault" or loss of point.
11.5 If the server's ball hits the center line, it is the opponent's point.
11.6 At game point you cannot lose the game on your own serve.
11.7 At game point you cannot win the game on your opponent's serve.
11.8 If you hit an edge, the opponent gains a point.
11.9 If the score between A and B is 10:9 and B fails to make a good service or a good return, he/she shall lose a point (as USATT rule # 11 dictates). That is, a point is subtracted and now the score is 10:8, and the game continues.
12. A GAME
12.1 Scores of 7-0, 11-0, 11-2, are quite acceptable and giving up after being two points down is perfectly legal, however the score wont count.
13. A MATCH
13.1 The loser of the previous game determines how many games will constitute a match.
14. THE CHOICE OF ENDS AND SERVES
14.1 Whoever gets to the table first and calls "dibs" chooses which side he will start from.
14.1.1 If players can not agree who got to the table first the choice of ends and the right to serve is decided by lot in such a way that the winner can choose to serve or to receive. If he/she asks the opponent to serve first, then he/she can decide which end he/she wants to play for the duration of the match.
14.2 Whoever wins the initial rally after the number of hits equals the spelling out of "P" "I" "N" "G" is the designated server. Really, I'm not kidding.
15. THE CHANGE OF ENDS
15.1 After each game, the player who wins decides which side he prefers to play on, unless rule 14.1.1 applies.
16. THE CHANGE OF SERVICE
16.1 In doubles, players must take their turns serving in a clockwise rotation order.
16.2 In doubles, players take their turns serving in an anti clockwise (counter clockwise) rotation order.
16.3 In doubles, one player per team is "designated server" per game, and must serve after every 2 points. In the next game, the other player becomes the team's designated server.
17. OUT OF ORDER OF SERVING, RECEIVING OR ENDS
17.1 Your rule here!
18. THE EXPEDITE SYSTEM
18.1 At any time in the match, a player may shout out "HURRY UP" if his opponent is taking too long.
18.2 "Fast serving" your opponent before he is ready is also encouraged in order to speed up the game.
19. ADVICE TO PLAYERS DURING PLAY
19.1 Your rule here!
20. CLOTHING (DRESS CODE)
20.1 In a tournament, if you are caught wearing "slacks" you shall be taken aside and made to put on warm up pants. The legality of warm up pants in match play is at the discretion of the umpire (see real table tennis rules), so you risk being defaulted out of the tournament.
20.2 Black socks and no shoes, or worn-out shoes and no socks, and cut-offs with reversed baseball cap are the recommended ping-pong attire.
21. PLAYING CONDITIONS
21.1 Flooring should be unsealed concrete with randomly distributed cracks and craters. Slick vinyl or crumbling linoleum is also acceptible.
21.2 Walls may be unsealed concrete, block, 1970's or earlier imitation wood paneling, preferably of the same color as the color of the ball.
21.3 The ideal basement temperature for playing conditions should be either less than 20 degrees or more than 90 degrees.
22. POINT PENALTY SYSTEM
22.1 Conduct which warrants imposition of the point penalty system shall include:
22.1.1 Delay of game (i.e., excessive sweating deliberately taking too long to buy beer, falling asleep during games.wearing inappropriate clothing see rule 20 )
22.1.2 Damage to equipment (intentional damage to the table, net, or other tournament or personal equipment except when pertaining to rule 8.7).
22.1.3 Conduct offensive to opponents, officials, or spectators (i.e., audible or visible obscene language or gestures which are not directed to the next player or official who has been delegated to buy the beer pizza e.t.c e.t.c. loud outbursts, or remarks which could disrupt any other player or spectators enjoyment of aforementioned beer, pizza e.t.c or deliberately throwing a racquet if it spills any beer or beverage being consumed during play). In evaluating "loud outbursts", the umpire shall consider the total situation. This rule is intended to discourage competitive enthusiasm, particularly that displayed in a championship final when it is hoped that all players will be far too drunk to concentrate on anything else but hitting the ball..
22.1.4 Not accepting coaching during a game. any player who is such a smart ass that he does not need coaching deserves to lose some points. The umpire shall display a yellow card or throw anything that comes to hand ( remembering not to breach rule 22.1.3 If the adviser does becomes too much of a pain in the butt he will be formally warned and immediately sent for more beer pizza e.t.c.(at his own expense)
22.2 Penalties will be imposed as follows for each match:
22.2.1 First offence : Warning. The umpire will formally notify the player that he is in a penalty point situation by holding up a yellow card or throwing something . The player can protest but of course will be completely ignored. A warning given to one player of a doubles pair shall apply to both players during the remainder of the match unless player bribes the umpire or buys the beer.
22.2.2 Second offence : Loss of 1 point. The player can protest but of course will be completely ignored. The umpire will notify the player by holding up a yellow card and a red card together then throw something heavy, he may also send a messenger to the nearest off-licence( liquor store) to expect an order in the next 20 min
22.2.3 Third offence : Loss of 2 points. and must immediately buy everyone a beer and pizza.
22.2.4 Fourth offence : The umpire will refer the matter to the referee, who will then decide to hang,draw and quarter said player or electrocute depending on nationality of offender ( using any money found on the body to pay for beer pizza.
22.2.5 After the imposition of a point or game penalty, the next server will be that player who is still able to stand after drinking aforementioned beer.
22.3 The referee will still have the authority to default a player from the match, ban him from the basement for any gross misconduct i.e. not buying beer, pizza, waking neighbours children (you don't want them hanging about when you are enjoying yourself ) or causing the police to be called (they drink far too much beer) e.t.c.
23. MATCH OFFICIALS
23.1 An OFFICIAL match official is a person authorized to annoy, at will, players by butting in anytime he/she does not like something you do.
23.1.1 A better choice is anyone is anyone who happens to be around at the time, be he a player waiting for winners, or your little sister. The match official's opinion always overrides any rule and the match official always has the final say on whether something is legal or not.
23.2 If a doubles team has 3 players, one may be selected as an official.
24. DOPING 24.1 With the exception of of smoking during play, there shall be no doping before or during play in any shape or form, unless glueing with water based adhesives.